Friday 31st December

The end of 2010 has finally arrived. We'd never wanted to wish away time before all this happened, and hopefully as this new year begins we won't want to do it anymore. This year has been the best and worst of our lives. It was agonising getting to the point where we discovered we were pregnant back in April; and utter joy at that moment when it all fell into place. The horrific day in September where it all went so wrong; but two beautiful babies as a result of that, who we wouldn't want to change for anything. I'd had a very easy 32 years of life up until this started, but always tried to appreciate what I had. Now I do even more so. Going through something like this uncovers extreme emotions you never knew you had; even making you feel more alive, despite it being like absolute torture while you're going through it.

We should be thankful for a lot more things than we are bitter about. Our babies are alive, for a start. They're growing really well, they've had no stomach issues (the leading cause of death in premature babies), no retinopathy, no obvious damage to their brains, they're both breathing on their own, they're picking up bottle-feeding, Stanley's hernias have disappeared, Willow survived her PDA operation, they've both endured living in Poole for three months. If they can get through this, they can withstand anything life throws at them.

I didn't sleep much last night, waiting for my daily morning call to NICU. But I could tell by the sprightly 'Good morning!' on the other end of the phone that the babies had been well behaved. Willow had no further special moments overnight. That was a relief. It meant I could concentrate at work and hopefully finish at a decent hour to enjoy what was left of the year with the family.

After a brief visit to the Senior New Year's Eve party for some over-indulgence in Mum's chicken and biscuits, we made our way to NICU to see in the new year with our children.

They'd both been good today; no episodes to speak of, and both of them tolerating their feeds really well. Perhaps this was finally the day when they 'turned the corner' for good; but as usual, we are not going to get complacent.

One thing's for certain, we're so grateful for all the love and support everyone has shown us for the last few months. It's made things easier being able to share Willow and Stanley's story so far, and knowing that so many people are rooting for us. So here's to 2011; it's going to be the best year ever.