In a perfect world, today is the day Willow and Stanley would have been born. But, as the course of the last 97 days has demonstrated, this world sure aint perfect.
The day got off to a bad start, with the morning call revealing that Willow had two episodes overnight requiring resuscitation. We're not sure how much more of this we can cope with; and how long it's going to take for her to stop doing it. The answer we always get is 'she'll grow out of it'. We know that no-one can really know when this is going to happen, but it's just very frustrating and disheartening.
The day didn't end very well either; Willow had two further episodes, both during feeds. It looks like it's just due to a bit of reflux, combined with other bodily motions, and 'she'll grow out of it'. We're really fed up right now; the last thing I need after a long day at work is for my baby daughter to stop breathing and turn blue while I'm feeding her, then need resuscitating by a team of nurses and doctors. Leela's completely exhausted too; all she seems to do is express milk all day into plastic bottles. Yes, we know it's going to be difficult when they're at home, but at least they'll be with us, and hopefully breathing, all the time. It gets to the point that you want to just cry, but haven't got the energy to do it.
Bloody hell, this is a depressing installment.
Anyway.... on the other side of the cot, Stanley is doing much better; he's been breathing normal air now for a few days, and he's starting to get the hang of bottle-feeding. His sister is actually still ahead of him on that front - she does take a bottle well when she's in the mood.
So, after a late night dinner of spicy refried beans on toast, the roller coaster continues into day 98. Let's make Day 98 a happy one, children.
I remember Lewis used to do the same.....whenever he fed was the time his heart rate used to slow right down and yes it's scary!!
ReplyDeleteEven when we left hospital I couldn't put him in an ordinary car seat as he was too small and that crunched up position just made him go blue!!
So he left hospital in a carrycot designed to strap in the back seat of the car and that way he was nice and flat!!
Mind you he was only 4 and a half pounds when he left hospital so was still tiny.
He did soon grow out of it though as I'm sure Willow will.
Anyway hugs to you all
Chantal