Well, that was a positive start to the year, if ever there was one. After coming back home from NICU late last night, we sunk a well deserved bottle of champagne and had a bit of a lie-in for a change. In the morning, I called NICU for the first time in 2011 and received a very pleasing overnight report. They'd both been good again, and Willow had still not had any further episodes. We could definitely get used to this type of phonecall for the remainder of their sentence.
While we were with them today, Willow and Stanley continued to be very stable and were very impressive with their bottle-feeding skills. They can both now suck, swallow and breathe like little experts; but Willow is still more accomplished at it than Stanley.
They were weighed again yesterday; Stanley is 7lbs 3oz, and Willow is 6lbs 3oz. They're both looking like proper babies now, and appear to be interacting with each other in their cot. It's an amazing sight to see; we could just sit there and watch them for hours. Willow is definitely going to have the upper hand when they get back home; she is not going to take any nonsense from her brother. He's too busy guzzling, whinging and sleeping. I really don't know where either of them get these characteristics from.
There are only two more days off work until it's back to business as usual and the traditional New Year diet starting on Tuesday; so until then, I think what's in order is a good deal of guzzling, whinging and sleeping.
Saturday 1 January 2011
Friday 31st December
The end of 2010 has finally arrived. We'd never wanted to wish away time before all this happened, and hopefully as this new year begins we won't want to do it anymore. This year has been the best and worst of our lives. It was agonising getting to the point where we discovered we were pregnant back in April; and utter joy at that moment when it all fell into place. The horrific day in September where it all went so wrong; but two beautiful babies as a result of that, who we wouldn't want to change for anything. I'd had a very easy 32 years of life up until this started, but always tried to appreciate what I had. Now I do even more so. Going through something like this uncovers extreme emotions you never knew you had; even making you feel more alive, despite it being like absolute torture while you're going through it.
We should be thankful for a lot more things than we are bitter about. Our babies are alive, for a start. They're growing really well, they've had no stomach issues (the leading cause of death in premature babies), no retinopathy, no obvious damage to their brains, they're both breathing on their own, they're picking up bottle-feeding, Stanley's hernias have disappeared, Willow survived her PDA operation, they've both endured living in Poole for three months. If they can get through this, they can withstand anything life throws at them.
I didn't sleep much last night, waiting for my daily morning call to NICU. But I could tell by the sprightly 'Good morning!' on the other end of the phone that the babies had been well behaved. Willow had no further special moments overnight. That was a relief. It meant I could concentrate at work and hopefully finish at a decent hour to enjoy what was left of the year with the family.
After a brief visit to the Senior New Year's Eve party for some over-indulgence in Mum's chicken and biscuits, we made our way to NICU to see in the new year with our children.
They'd both been good today; no episodes to speak of, and both of them tolerating their feeds really well. Perhaps this was finally the day when they 'turned the corner' for good; but as usual, we are not going to get complacent.
One thing's for certain, we're so grateful for all the love and support everyone has shown us for the last few months. It's made things easier being able to share Willow and Stanley's story so far, and knowing that so many people are rooting for us. So here's to 2011; it's going to be the best year ever.
We should be thankful for a lot more things than we are bitter about. Our babies are alive, for a start. They're growing really well, they've had no stomach issues (the leading cause of death in premature babies), no retinopathy, no obvious damage to their brains, they're both breathing on their own, they're picking up bottle-feeding, Stanley's hernias have disappeared, Willow survived her PDA operation, they've both endured living in Poole for three months. If they can get through this, they can withstand anything life throws at them.
I didn't sleep much last night, waiting for my daily morning call to NICU. But I could tell by the sprightly 'Good morning!' on the other end of the phone that the babies had been well behaved. Willow had no further special moments overnight. That was a relief. It meant I could concentrate at work and hopefully finish at a decent hour to enjoy what was left of the year with the family.
After a brief visit to the Senior New Year's Eve party for some over-indulgence in Mum's chicken and biscuits, we made our way to NICU to see in the new year with our children.
They'd both been good today; no episodes to speak of, and both of them tolerating their feeds really well. Perhaps this was finally the day when they 'turned the corner' for good; but as usual, we are not going to get complacent.
One thing's for certain, we're so grateful for all the love and support everyone has shown us for the last few months. It's made things easier being able to share Willow and Stanley's story so far, and knowing that so many people are rooting for us. So here's to 2011; it's going to be the best year ever.
Thursday 30 December 2010
Thursday 30th December
In a perfect world, today is the day Willow and Stanley would have been born. But, as the course of the last 97 days has demonstrated, this world sure aint perfect.
The day got off to a bad start, with the morning call revealing that Willow had two episodes overnight requiring resuscitation. We're not sure how much more of this we can cope with; and how long it's going to take for her to stop doing it. The answer we always get is 'she'll grow out of it'. We know that no-one can really know when this is going to happen, but it's just very frustrating and disheartening.
The day didn't end very well either; Willow had two further episodes, both during feeds. It looks like it's just due to a bit of reflux, combined with other bodily motions, and 'she'll grow out of it'. We're really fed up right now; the last thing I need after a long day at work is for my baby daughter to stop breathing and turn blue while I'm feeding her, then need resuscitating by a team of nurses and doctors. Leela's completely exhausted too; all she seems to do is express milk all day into plastic bottles. Yes, we know it's going to be difficult when they're at home, but at least they'll be with us, and hopefully breathing, all the time. It gets to the point that you want to just cry, but haven't got the energy to do it.
Bloody hell, this is a depressing installment.
Anyway.... on the other side of the cot, Stanley is doing much better; he's been breathing normal air now for a few days, and he's starting to get the hang of bottle-feeding. His sister is actually still ahead of him on that front - she does take a bottle well when she's in the mood.
So, after a late night dinner of spicy refried beans on toast, the roller coaster continues into day 98. Let's make Day 98 a happy one, children.
The day got off to a bad start, with the morning call revealing that Willow had two episodes overnight requiring resuscitation. We're not sure how much more of this we can cope with; and how long it's going to take for her to stop doing it. The answer we always get is 'she'll grow out of it'. We know that no-one can really know when this is going to happen, but it's just very frustrating and disheartening.
The day didn't end very well either; Willow had two further episodes, both during feeds. It looks like it's just due to a bit of reflux, combined with other bodily motions, and 'she'll grow out of it'. We're really fed up right now; the last thing I need after a long day at work is for my baby daughter to stop breathing and turn blue while I'm feeding her, then need resuscitating by a team of nurses and doctors. Leela's completely exhausted too; all she seems to do is express milk all day into plastic bottles. Yes, we know it's going to be difficult when they're at home, but at least they'll be with us, and hopefully breathing, all the time. It gets to the point that you want to just cry, but haven't got the energy to do it.
Bloody hell, this is a depressing installment.
Anyway.... on the other side of the cot, Stanley is doing much better; he's been breathing normal air now for a few days, and he's starting to get the hang of bottle-feeding. His sister is actually still ahead of him on that front - she does take a bottle well when she's in the mood.
So, after a late night dinner of spicy refried beans on toast, the roller coaster continues into day 98. Let's make Day 98 a happy one, children.
Wednesday 29 December 2010
Wednesday 29th December
Today didn't get off to the best start - Willow needed resuscitating again this morning. We're wondering when it's going to stop; we certainly can't cope with this when she's at home.
The days are still merging into one long one; it's difficult to remember what happened this morning. The babies were generally okay today, but Willow had a couple of almost-bagging incidents. The fact that she does pick herself up eventually is a good thing - hopefully she is growing out of it. Tomorrow is their official due date, so ideally everything will fall into place on this day. All we need now is for both of them to take from a bottle at each feed, and for Willow to convince everyone that she is not going to have these episodes where she just stops breathing and slows her heart rate to a scarily low number.
It looks like a late dinner again tonight - we haven't eaten our evening meal before 9.30pm in a long time. And it's been a good nine hours since our BP Meal Deal, so I'm starving as usual. I can totally understand why these babies start crying before each feed-time; it's only my slightly advanced maturity which stops me from doing the same.
So, it's a big day tomorrow, kids - 40 weeks gestation. Let's show these doctors what you're made of, so we can move into the nursery before your 100 day birthday.
The days are still merging into one long one; it's difficult to remember what happened this morning. The babies were generally okay today, but Willow had a couple of almost-bagging incidents. The fact that she does pick herself up eventually is a good thing - hopefully she is growing out of it. Tomorrow is their official due date, so ideally everything will fall into place on this day. All we need now is for both of them to take from a bottle at each feed, and for Willow to convince everyone that she is not going to have these episodes where she just stops breathing and slows her heart rate to a scarily low number.
It looks like a late dinner again tonight - we haven't eaten our evening meal before 9.30pm in a long time. And it's been a good nine hours since our BP Meal Deal, so I'm starving as usual. I can totally understand why these babies start crying before each feed-time; it's only my slightly advanced maturity which stops me from doing the same.
So, it's a big day tomorrow, kids - 40 weeks gestation. Let's show these doctors what you're made of, so we can move into the nursery before your 100 day birthday.
Tuesday 28th December
I was a bit nervous before the morning call today, after Willow's first night off CPAP for a week or so. She looks so much stronger now that she should be ready for it, but it's still a worry. Anyway, it turns out she coped well all night, with not a bag in sight. I'm getting used to these short but sweet phonecalls - long may they continue. (Well, not too long, we want to be out of here at some point.)
I stayed at home today to use my new 'dad' carpentry skills on a bit of architraving; I didn't even know what an architrave was three months ago. Eventually I went home to NICU to find the wife and kids in their usual corner. They've had another good day, breathing nicely and drinking all their milk.
We just need a few more weeks of days like these, and we'll be taking our babies home for the first time - so the real hard (but nice) work can begin.
I stayed at home today to use my new 'dad' carpentry skills on a bit of architraving; I didn't even know what an architrave was three months ago. Eventually I went home to NICU to find the wife and kids in their usual corner. They've had another good day, breathing nicely and drinking all their milk.
We just need a few more weeks of days like these, and we'll be taking our babies home for the first time - so the real hard (but nice) work can begin.
Monday 27 December 2010
Sunday 26th and Monday 27th December
It made a refreshing change for a Boxing Day to not wake up with a horrible hangover. We decided to make the most of it and have a lie-in, for the first time in three months - and it was much needed. We went to the hospital in the late afternoon, feeling a lot more awake and alert than usual after a good long sleep.
The babies were also awake and alert - Willow especially has come on so much in the last few days. She handles everything so much better; it wasn't long ago that her oxygen saturation levels would plummet every time we even changed her nappy or picked her up. Now she copes it with it all; even improving her sats with contact. They both seem to be a lot happier since they've been together in the double cot, so surely the fact that they are back together has something to do with it.
Willow and Stanley were both really well behaved for both of these last two days, with only one solitary bagging incident on Boxing Day morning after a feed. The doctors now agree with my theory that the bowels might be contributing to these episodes - maybe I'm in the wrong profession. Or, more likely, maybe they're just agreeing to stop me going on about it. 'Yes, annoying parents, that's right'.
Stanley has a bit of an eye infection again, which looks a bit nasty and is making him slightly agitated. But that doesn't stop him wanting to spread the love - he likes to stick his fingers in his eyes and then wipe it on his sister's hands. We've had to roll up some blankets to make a little barrier between them, while he's feeling contageous.
They were both weighed again today - Stanley is now 6lbs 13oz, and Willow 5lbs 13oz. Their weight gain is very impressive, and it's mainly down to 94 days of their mother's breast milk. The doctors and nurses were commenting again about how well Leela has done to keep up expressing to feed two babies under these circumstances.
During the doctors' morning round, the word 'nursery' was mentioned for the first time. We've been wondering when that might happen since September; when nobody would tell us when we might make it into that room. We know now why they couldn't tell us - nobody could have predicted exactly what course our babies would take, and how different their ordeals would be. But anyway, the only thing that is stopping us moving into the nursery now is that Willow is still slightly dependent on CPAP for a few hours a night. But it shouldn't be long now, they are trying her off it again tonight to see how she gets on.
The babies were also awake and alert - Willow especially has come on so much in the last few days. She handles everything so much better; it wasn't long ago that her oxygen saturation levels would plummet every time we even changed her nappy or picked her up. Now she copes it with it all; even improving her sats with contact. They both seem to be a lot happier since they've been together in the double cot, so surely the fact that they are back together has something to do with it.
Willow and Stanley were both really well behaved for both of these last two days, with only one solitary bagging incident on Boxing Day morning after a feed. The doctors now agree with my theory that the bowels might be contributing to these episodes - maybe I'm in the wrong profession. Or, more likely, maybe they're just agreeing to stop me going on about it. 'Yes, annoying parents, that's right'.
Stanley has a bit of an eye infection again, which looks a bit nasty and is making him slightly agitated. But that doesn't stop him wanting to spread the love - he likes to stick his fingers in his eyes and then wipe it on his sister's hands. We've had to roll up some blankets to make a little barrier between them, while he's feeling contageous.
They were both weighed again today - Stanley is now 6lbs 13oz, and Willow 5lbs 13oz. Their weight gain is very impressive, and it's mainly down to 94 days of their mother's breast milk. The doctors and nurses were commenting again about how well Leela has done to keep up expressing to feed two babies under these circumstances.
During the doctors' morning round, the word 'nursery' was mentioned for the first time. We've been wondering when that might happen since September; when nobody would tell us when we might make it into that room. We know now why they couldn't tell us - nobody could have predicted exactly what course our babies would take, and how different their ordeals would be. But anyway, the only thing that is stopping us moving into the nursery now is that Willow is still slightly dependent on CPAP for a few hours a night. But it shouldn't be long now, they are trying her off it again tonight to see how she gets on.
Sunday 26 December 2010
Saturday 25th December
Well, that was a Christmas with a difference. We got up and drove to Poole hospital, just like any other day. When we arrived at NICU, everyone was jolly and filled with Christmas spirit; and Santa had visited all the babies overnight. There were no stockings this year (NHS cut-backs and all that - well, I'd rather they cut back on stockings than medical equipment), but Willow and Stanley got some lovely presents. Also, as they are long term inmates, they both had an outfit on their cot to wear today. Stanley had a little Santa suit, and Willow was a fairy. They both looked extremely cute, obviously.
Other than a delightful four hours spent at the senior senior Senior household for a traditionally delicious lunch and lots of presents, today was a pretty standard day in NICU. Willow and Stanley both had good days, with Willow especially now growing stronger and stronger. She seems a lot more robust and handles everything so much better. She's also still ahead of Stanley in the milk-drinking department. Willow takes it nice and slowly, remembering to stop for a breath every few seconds. Whereas Stanley just guzzles it down as quickly as possible; as if he is the hungriest man in the world. I have no idea where he gets that from...
We were full of mixed emotions today - very sad to be reminded that our babies are in this condition, and that we are still not at home together; but so happy that we've even got this far. I can't imagine how hard this would've been had they both still been in incubators with no-one really knowing how it would all turn out. There is a new baby in the cot next to Stanley – a 26 weeker, who at 2 and a half pounds is heavier than ours were when they were born. He looks so tiny; it’s hard to believe even now that ours were smaller than that, and looking at his young parents, we just don’t know how they are coping. And perhaps they are not; but when you are landed in this predicament, you really don’t have a choice, and put on this brave face to everyone, including yourselves.
Anyway, we consider ourselves extremely lucky to be in the situation we are in right now; with two beautiful children who will be home and well before we know it (hopefully before next Christmas…..).
Other than a delightful four hours spent at the senior senior Senior household for a traditionally delicious lunch and lots of presents, today was a pretty standard day in NICU. Willow and Stanley both had good days, with Willow especially now growing stronger and stronger. She seems a lot more robust and handles everything so much better. She's also still ahead of Stanley in the milk-drinking department. Willow takes it nice and slowly, remembering to stop for a breath every few seconds. Whereas Stanley just guzzles it down as quickly as possible; as if he is the hungriest man in the world. I have no idea where he gets that from...
We were full of mixed emotions today - very sad to be reminded that our babies are in this condition, and that we are still not at home together; but so happy that we've even got this far. I can't imagine how hard this would've been had they both still been in incubators with no-one really knowing how it would all turn out. There is a new baby in the cot next to Stanley – a 26 weeker, who at 2 and a half pounds is heavier than ours were when they were born. He looks so tiny; it’s hard to believe even now that ours were smaller than that, and looking at his young parents, we just don’t know how they are coping. And perhaps they are not; but when you are landed in this predicament, you really don’t have a choice, and put on this brave face to everyone, including yourselves.
Anyway, we consider ourselves extremely lucky to be in the situation we are in right now; with two beautiful children who will be home and well before we know it (hopefully before next Christmas…..).
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