Saturday 15 January 2011

Saturday 15th January

Today was a positive one, just when we needed one.

It was all getting too much yesterday. Just as we thought the end of the tunnel's light was not too far away, it swiftly slipped out of our sight again.

Willow and Stanley's cuteness hit a new high today. Willow was more alert for longer periods than we'd ever seen her; a sign that she's starting to overcome her tiredness. She's still classified as having chronic lung disease, and is still on a fair amount of oxygen to keep her going; but everything else she's doing is moving her in the right direction. Stanley did some of his best feeding today; a new technique which we were trying seems to be working.

They were both weighed yesterday - Willow is 7lbs 4.5oz, Stanley 7lbs 14.5oz. Both growing well, with cheeks getting chubbier.

Yesterday, the Air Liquide van pulled up outside to deliver some oxygen to our house. We have one cylinder of it in gas form upstairs, and a container of the liquid stuff for downstairs and to re-fill the portable bottle. If we were to think a year ago that right now we'd have to bring children up on oxygen, we'd be terrified. But now, it doesn't faze us at all - it's just normal.

Last night's beer and curry didn't work out; the colonel's chicken came out on top with his offer of zingery towers and hot wings. But tonight, Dosa World delivered Indian food at a level not often seen in this town, to finish of a rather splendid week of culinary finery.

Another Sunday tomorrow then - and hopefully one of the last few Sundays we'll have to spend in a hospital. It won't be long now.

Friday 14 January 2011

Thursday 13th January and Friday 14th January

Well, that didn't really go according to plan. It turns out that Stanley is just not ready yet to be going home; he still can't co-ordinate his feeding. While having his bottle, he doesn't breathe, de-saturates badly and was choking again today. The Speech and Language team came to visit, and they had no magic solution. Like everything else, 'he'll grow out of it'. Not a lot we can do about it.

So, it's probably going to be another couple of weeks. There's no way we can take him home while there is any risk that he's going to need resuscitating. Because of that, there's no point in us rooming in yet. It's all a bit heartbreaking; we were all geared up for a lovely stay in Hotel NICU, and now it's back to business as usual.

At least this way, Willow might be ready at the same time and they might both be coming home together. Willow is fantastic at feeding; her only problem is that she still has a tendency to stop breathing for no apparent reason. Only when she's had a good period of not doing that, can she be considered as ready.

So, not a great couple of days. Sixteen weeks of spending endless hours amidst the beeps, noises, stresses and strains of an intensive care unit, and it looks like we may have another couple more to go. We're going to have to try and de-stress to prevent distress. At least we have a nice clean house courtesy of a Nanna and a couple of aunties, who we are very grateful to.

Ok, so.......Friday night traditionally means beer and curry. Sounds good to me.

Thursday 13 January 2011

Wednesday 12th January

Today was a big day - we were moving in to the NHS funded luxury of Hotel NICU.

But unfortunately, the big day didn't start all that well. The midnight call after our lovely evening out revealed that Willow had needed the bag treatment once again. It was twelve days since her last one, so we'd thought we'd left that era behind us. Hopefully this was the very last - she had teetered on the edge a couple of times since New Year, but never to that extent. This time she just needed that extra bit of help.

Unfortunately, the big day didn't continue all that well either. It was Stanley's turn in the evening; he choked on his milk, and stopped breathing for a minute or two. Our friend, the bag, was pulled out again to bring him around. It was really just a one-off though - he just needs to learn to drink more slowly, and calm down a bit. The 'Speech and Langauge' team are having a look at him on Friday to see if they can suggest anything to improve his co-ordination.

Anyway, the important thing is, this event did not impact our stay in the 'rooming-in' suite, so we checked in and had a look around our room. The view is hardly Hong Kong harbour, but it's not all bad. You can clearly see the corridor to the ante-natal unit across the courtyard, and from the ground floor, you can hear the piercing screams of ladies in labour. Who needs champagne breakfasts, rooftop swimming pools and complimentary bathrobes and slippers; all those luxuries fade into insignificance if we have our babies with us.

We were very excited as we wheeled our son into the room, but sad to leave poor Willow behind on her own in the double cot. Once in the room, where Stanley was nice and asleep, we thought...'right, what do we do now then?' So we just looked at him, and waited for him to wake up and want some food. He behaved very well all night, only waking at 03:30 for a feed and not again until 07:30. We would've slept rather well were it not for the lack of a duvet, so we'll bring our own non-NHS issue covers tonight.

It was so nice just relaxing with our baby boy as he grumbled away, having a good look around this strange new environment he found himself in. It won't be too long til we can bring Willow into our little world as well.

Tuesday 11 January 2011

Tuesday 11th January

Today is our last day before 'rooming in' with Stanley. Although we'll probably come home again for a few days without a child, we decided to make the most of this occasion by going out for a nice dinner. So, only Isabel's would do the trick, and do the trick it certainly did. A faultless experience as always; some glorious venison, lamb, and countless other impeccable items to savour, washed down with a lovely bottle of vino.

Before we enjoyed all that self indulgence, we took it in turns to visit the babies while our respective other halves had other thngs to do (like work). Willow and Stanley were superbly behaved again today, and extremely pleasant to be with. It gets harder to leave them every day; but of course, we know that soon we just won't ever have to leave them. And we can't wait for that day, when we can say goodnight and walk a few feet away, rather than saying goodnight and driving six miles away.

Anyway, it's only 11:30 for a change, so plenty of time to get to sleep before getting up at 6am again. So, we'd best continue where we left off and crack open another bottle....or just go to sleep.

Monday 10 January 2011

Monday 10th January

That was a lovely way to spend the morning. Mummy was back at home doing some well-needed 'nesting' in preparation for a certain big arrival next week, so I popped into the hospital for a few hours before work for some quality time with the children. As usual, I missed the first bus that I ran for, but just about caught the second. If I didn't have to run back to pick up my cheese sandwiches which I left on the kitchen table, I might just have made it.

More importantly, back in NICU Willow and Stanley were being delightful as usual. The time just flies when I'm with them, it's a shame I have to go to work every day. Someone's got to pay for those nappies though, I suppose. With Mummy doing the lunch-time to night-time shift, today was a good one all in all. It almost feels like we're cruising to freedom right now; we just need a few more days like these.

Sunday 9 January 2011

Sunday 9th January

Much better day today; we didn't see either of our children turn blue.

They both took their bottles really well, and are both looking and acting more and more like normal babies - interacting with us and each other. It was amazing to see Willow like this particularly; we're still very worried what effect everything she's gone through - especially the heavy oxygen requirements, seven weeks on a ventilator, and two courses of steroids - will have on her. So to see her co-ordinating her feeding and looking active like this is very encouraging.

Other than a nice break in Poole Park for coffee with friends, and a visit to the BP garage to talk to Trevor MacDonald's sound-alike, not a lot else happened today. We spent a good quiet few hours relaxing by our babies' cot as they were behaving so well; imagining what it will be like in just a few weeks, doing this at home. We can't wait just to do something normal - like go shopping with the kids to Asda (well, maybe Waitrose, not Asda; we need to keep them away from germs for a few months), or go for a walk together, or even watch TV and relax. Just to not have to drive to the bloody hospital every day would be nice.

So, three nights left until we 'room in' with our son. It feels like we're only actually going to give birth to these babies next week, or whenever they come home. They will effectively be new-borns, we just happen to have had the privilege to watch them grow and get to know them for the last 15 and a half weeks. It's still not going to sink in until we ring that bell to get out of NICU for the last time. And that really can't come quick enough.

Saturday 8th January

There goes the New Year diet anyway.

Had a bit of a horrible moment this evening while feeding Stanley. The milk decided to go the wrong way, so he choked, turned blue and just didn't breathe for a couple of minutes. There was a bit of a panic and the dreaded bag was brought out to bring him round. I'm sure a lot of babies choke on their food like this, but this was one of the most distressing incidents I'd had yet; even after all these babies been through. Up to about a couple of months in, when both of them were in a pretty bad state having moments like this all the time, we never allowed ourselves to let go fully. You subconcsiously hold back somehow - not letting yourself get too attached in case the worst should happen. But ever since a few weeks ago, we have now completely let ourselves go and are well and truly in love with Willow and Stanley. So this was the first major pang of parenthood panic that I'd had; these are really my babies and to see them like that is terrible. It's amazing though, to be able to even have these normal parenting worries now, and this is the start of the next however many years to come.

So after all that, we decided we definitely needed to go out for dinner. It's been a long few days since our last meal out, and we'd both been craving a Thai feast for weeks. So a Thai feast it was, and it was delicious.

Anyway, it wasn't all bad at NICU today. Willow was wide awake and looking extremely adorable; and Stanley was back to his normal self almost straight after his little episode. This should be just a blip on an otherwise smooth journey towards the fresh air outside the exit of Poole Hospital (once you get past the pregnant smokers), and beyond. We're moving in to the on-site accommodation on Wednesday to 'try before we buy' and see how we get on looking after a baby. I just hope they don't make us eat the food - the 'room only' deal is more than good enough for us.