Much better day today; we didn't see either of our children turn blue.
They both took their bottles really well, and are both looking and acting more and more like normal babies - interacting with us and each other. It was amazing to see Willow like this particularly; we're still very worried what effect everything she's gone through - especially the heavy oxygen requirements, seven weeks on a ventilator, and two courses of steroids - will have on her. So to see her co-ordinating her feeding and looking active like this is very encouraging.
Other than a nice break in Poole Park for coffee with friends, and a visit to the BP garage to talk to Trevor MacDonald's sound-alike, not a lot else happened today. We spent a good quiet few hours relaxing by our babies' cot as they were behaving so well; imagining what it will be like in just a few weeks, doing this at home. We can't wait just to do something normal - like go shopping with the kids to Asda (well, maybe Waitrose, not Asda; we need to keep them away from germs for a few months), or go for a walk together, or even watch TV and relax. Just to not have to drive to the bloody hospital every day would be nice.
So, three nights left until we 'room in' with our son. It feels like we're only actually going to give birth to these babies next week, or whenever they come home. They will effectively be new-borns, we just happen to have had the privilege to watch them grow and get to know them for the last 15 and a half weeks. It's still not going to sink in until we ring that bell to get out of NICU for the last time. And that really can't come quick enough.
Sunday, 9 January 2011
Saturday 8th January
There goes the New Year diet anyway.
Had a bit of a horrible moment this evening while feeding Stanley. The milk decided to go the wrong way, so he choked, turned blue and just didn't breathe for a couple of minutes. There was a bit of a panic and the dreaded bag was brought out to bring him round. I'm sure a lot of babies choke on their food like this, but this was one of the most distressing incidents I'd had yet; even after all these babies been through. Up to about a couple of months in, when both of them were in a pretty bad state having moments like this all the time, we never allowed ourselves to let go fully. You subconcsiously hold back somehow - not letting yourself get too attached in case the worst should happen. But ever since a few weeks ago, we have now completely let ourselves go and are well and truly in love with Willow and Stanley. So this was the first major pang of parenthood panic that I'd had; these are really my babies and to see them like that is terrible. It's amazing though, to be able to even have these normal parenting worries now, and this is the start of the next however many years to come.
So after all that, we decided we definitely needed to go out for dinner. It's been a long few days since our last meal out, and we'd both been craving a Thai feast for weeks. So a Thai feast it was, and it was delicious.
Anyway, it wasn't all bad at NICU today. Willow was wide awake and looking extremely adorable; and Stanley was back to his normal self almost straight after his little episode. This should be just a blip on an otherwise smooth journey towards the fresh air outside the exit of Poole Hospital (once you get past the pregnant smokers), and beyond. We're moving in to the on-site accommodation on Wednesday to 'try before we buy' and see how we get on looking after a baby. I just hope they don't make us eat the food - the 'room only' deal is more than good enough for us.
Had a bit of a horrible moment this evening while feeding Stanley. The milk decided to go the wrong way, so he choked, turned blue and just didn't breathe for a couple of minutes. There was a bit of a panic and the dreaded bag was brought out to bring him round. I'm sure a lot of babies choke on their food like this, but this was one of the most distressing incidents I'd had yet; even after all these babies been through. Up to about a couple of months in, when both of them were in a pretty bad state having moments like this all the time, we never allowed ourselves to let go fully. You subconcsiously hold back somehow - not letting yourself get too attached in case the worst should happen. But ever since a few weeks ago, we have now completely let ourselves go and are well and truly in love with Willow and Stanley. So this was the first major pang of parenthood panic that I'd had; these are really my babies and to see them like that is terrible. It's amazing though, to be able to even have these normal parenting worries now, and this is the start of the next however many years to come.
So after all that, we decided we definitely needed to go out for dinner. It's been a long few days since our last meal out, and we'd both been craving a Thai feast for weeks. So a Thai feast it was, and it was delicious.
Anyway, it wasn't all bad at NICU today. Willow was wide awake and looking extremely adorable; and Stanley was back to his normal self almost straight after his little episode. This should be just a blip on an otherwise smooth journey towards the fresh air outside the exit of Poole Hospital (once you get past the pregnant smokers), and beyond. We're moving in to the on-site accommodation on Wednesday to 'try before we buy' and see how we get on looking after a baby. I just hope they don't make us eat the food - the 'room only' deal is more than good enough for us.
Saturday, 8 January 2011
Friday 7th January
Today was a bit upside down. Hospital in the morning for a change, followed by a long, late stretch at work.
The babies were very cute as usual today; Stanley being wide awake and hungry for most of the time, Willow being a bit more asleep than her brother. She's still not quite as active as Stanley, but this is due to her still getting quite tired and needing a fair amount of oxygen.
Stanley's diet is doing the trick; he lost an ounce at the last weigh-in, so his overall weight gain is much better now. Today he's been trying on-demand feeding - which means he's probably going to start eating more again. He is one hungry little baby. This is all to prepare him for his imminent release - there is talk of us 'rooming in' as early as next Wednesday, so it's all starting to happen pretty quickly now. Soon enough we'll have a real baby at home to look after, followed by another one a couple of weeks later.
It's now too late again, with much to do in the morning before seeing our babies. So, it's time for a whinge, and a bit of a sleep, before crying about being hungry again when waking up tomorrow.
The babies were very cute as usual today; Stanley being wide awake and hungry for most of the time, Willow being a bit more asleep than her brother. She's still not quite as active as Stanley, but this is due to her still getting quite tired and needing a fair amount of oxygen.
Stanley's diet is doing the trick; he lost an ounce at the last weigh-in, so his overall weight gain is much better now. Today he's been trying on-demand feeding - which means he's probably going to start eating more again. He is one hungry little baby. This is all to prepare him for his imminent release - there is talk of us 'rooming in' as early as next Wednesday, so it's all starting to happen pretty quickly now. Soon enough we'll have a real baby at home to look after, followed by another one a couple of weeks later.
It's now too late again, with much to do in the morning before seeing our babies. So, it's time for a whinge, and a bit of a sleep, before crying about being hungry again when waking up tomorrow.
Friday, 7 January 2011
Thursday 6th January
Well, it is 11.30pm and Daddy Senior is busy adding architrave to our loft hatch, what else would you do at this time of night? And so it is me, Mummy Senior, guest writing tonight’s entry. What an act to follow. I have been amazed at Anthony’s desire to keep this diary up to date even after a long day at work then with the babies and then at home helping get the house ready for the impending arrivals. I hope what it has shown is his dedication to his new role as a father. I truly believe that he will make an amazing Daddy and seeing him holding one (or both) of our children and looking at them with love and wonder is an incredible pleasure. I know that whatever long term challenges the future may bring with the babies he will continue to be utterly devoted to them. Phew, pass the sick bucket I hear you say!
Talking of daddies, I have a theory that when you become a father you instantly become good at/more interested in DIY and other (sorry girls) ‘manly’ things. This seemed to start when we were pregnant and then once the babies arrived became more marked. My theory was perfectly illustrated when he reached in his pocket one day in NICU to see how much change he had and out came a bolt, couple of washers and a wall plug.
Anyway, let’s get back to the matter in hand – our gorgeous babies. And gorgeous indeed they were today. I indulged in a good hour or so of ‘double cuddles’ whilst they were both wide awake; it is so hard to know where to look. I end up looking like I am watching a tennis match as I want to look at them both in equal measure.
More talk today of a going home plan of action. Apparently we are going to have a discharge meeting soon which involves several bodies who will be involved in our family over the next couple of years. The babies will need to be very carefully monitored to check progress and development in all areas. We are also going to have oxygen installed at home as it is looking pretty definite that Willow will come home still on nasal prongs and Stanley may need it wafted around whilst feeding and in case he gets the snuffles we have got the back up of nasal prong oxygen for him too. Apparently, due to fire risk, we will need stickers on our car to say we are carrying oxygen and need to inform insurance companies. Also, the nurse today seemed to think that the fire brigade would have to come round and check the house/oxygen too. How awful, having to have firemen come round, what a nightmare….;) Sorry Anthony!
Willow has now come off the main screen monitors for heart rate, respiration rate, blood pressure and sats and is now on a sat monitor which is much smaller, has less information showing and when it goes off does not sound like a lorry reversing. It is a bit of a worry after having such an obvious alarm but we are aware that the docs want to wean us off having so much monitoring.
Willow continues to feed really nicely. The nurse looking after them today said that when she fed her in the morning she noticed that her eyes were incredible and seemed to almost sparkle – I felt so proud. Stanley also has gorgeous eyes but is struggling with the feeding and breathing combo, although was better today than he has been so hopefully he is getting into the swing of it. Great news is that after he pulled his feeding tube out a couple of days ago (whilst looking at me and expertly hooking finger underneath and removing with a flick of the wrist) it has not been put back down so his face is clear of everything – and boy is he cute!
Well, that’s it from me. I am sure that the big guy will be tapping away on here again tomorrow. Before I go I just wanted to quickly say a huge thank you to everyone who has taken an interest in our story. I honestly believe that your support and love has got us through (relatively) sane. No one plans to go through something like this but hey life is anything but ideal but we really wouldn’t change the beautiful babies we have got and the wonderful friends and family who have been with us every step.
Thank you, Leela x
P.S. According to the stats page you can look at when creating an entry this blog has followers in - UK, USA, Australia, Switzerland, India, New Zealand, Brazil, France, Canada, Croatia, Singapore, South Korea, United Arab Emirates, so hello to you all!
Talking of daddies, I have a theory that when you become a father you instantly become good at/more interested in DIY and other (sorry girls) ‘manly’ things. This seemed to start when we were pregnant and then once the babies arrived became more marked. My theory was perfectly illustrated when he reached in his pocket one day in NICU to see how much change he had and out came a bolt, couple of washers and a wall plug.
Anyway, let’s get back to the matter in hand – our gorgeous babies. And gorgeous indeed they were today. I indulged in a good hour or so of ‘double cuddles’ whilst they were both wide awake; it is so hard to know where to look. I end up looking like I am watching a tennis match as I want to look at them both in equal measure.
More talk today of a going home plan of action. Apparently we are going to have a discharge meeting soon which involves several bodies who will be involved in our family over the next couple of years. The babies will need to be very carefully monitored to check progress and development in all areas. We are also going to have oxygen installed at home as it is looking pretty definite that Willow will come home still on nasal prongs and Stanley may need it wafted around whilst feeding and in case he gets the snuffles we have got the back up of nasal prong oxygen for him too. Apparently, due to fire risk, we will need stickers on our car to say we are carrying oxygen and need to inform insurance companies. Also, the nurse today seemed to think that the fire brigade would have to come round and check the house/oxygen too. How awful, having to have firemen come round, what a nightmare….;) Sorry Anthony!
Willow has now come off the main screen monitors for heart rate, respiration rate, blood pressure and sats and is now on a sat monitor which is much smaller, has less information showing and when it goes off does not sound like a lorry reversing. It is a bit of a worry after having such an obvious alarm but we are aware that the docs want to wean us off having so much monitoring.
Willow continues to feed really nicely. The nurse looking after them today said that when she fed her in the morning she noticed that her eyes were incredible and seemed to almost sparkle – I felt so proud. Stanley also has gorgeous eyes but is struggling with the feeding and breathing combo, although was better today than he has been so hopefully he is getting into the swing of it. Great news is that after he pulled his feeding tube out a couple of days ago (whilst looking at me and expertly hooking finger underneath and removing with a flick of the wrist) it has not been put back down so his face is clear of everything – and boy is he cute!
Well, that’s it from me. I am sure that the big guy will be tapping away on here again tomorrow. Before I go I just wanted to quickly say a huge thank you to everyone who has taken an interest in our story. I honestly believe that your support and love has got us through (relatively) sane. No one plans to go through something like this but hey life is anything but ideal but we really wouldn’t change the beautiful babies we have got and the wonderful friends and family who have been with us every step.
Thank you, Leela x
P.S. According to the stats page you can look at when creating an entry this blog has followers in - UK, USA, Australia, Switzerland, India, New Zealand, Brazil, France, Canada, Croatia, Singapore, South Korea, United Arab Emirates, so hello to you all!
Wednesday, 5 January 2011
Wednesday 5th January
Another positive morning call today, meaning Willow has not had a bagging incident for five and a half days. She's also been off CPAP now for over a week, so things are looking up on that side of the cot.
Stanley is still going strong; his only issue right now is that he still de-sats while feeding. This is pretty much the only thing stopping him going home. The word 'discharge' was even being bandied about in NICU today; he might be released sooner than we think. It's all very exciting; but really sad at the same time because it's looking increasingly likely that Willow will have to stay behind on her own. It's up to us whether Stanley stays with his sister for longer than he needs to, but it will be in his best interests to bring him home - away from possible infection and to give him the best chance of developing in a normal environment.
It was all change in NICU today - we've moved around the back in the corner, away from positions 1 and 2 which we'd occupied for 102 days. There's a new baby in our daughter's former location. Of all the names in the world this new baby girl could have, she's called Willow too. Let's hope she has an easier ride than our Willow has had.
Back at home, the babies' parents are going strong with their annual diet. After two days, and after watching 'Britain's Fattest Man', we're feeling positively slender. Time for a curry, I think.
Stanley is still going strong; his only issue right now is that he still de-sats while feeding. This is pretty much the only thing stopping him going home. The word 'discharge' was even being bandied about in NICU today; he might be released sooner than we think. It's all very exciting; but really sad at the same time because it's looking increasingly likely that Willow will have to stay behind on her own. It's up to us whether Stanley stays with his sister for longer than he needs to, but it will be in his best interests to bring him home - away from possible infection and to give him the best chance of developing in a normal environment.
It was all change in NICU today - we've moved around the back in the corner, away from positions 1 and 2 which we'd occupied for 102 days. There's a new baby in our daughter's former location. Of all the names in the world this new baby girl could have, she's called Willow too. Let's hope she has an easier ride than our Willow has had.
Back at home, the babies' parents are going strong with their annual diet. After two days, and after watching 'Britain's Fattest Man', we're feeling positively slender. Time for a curry, I think.
Tuesday 4th January
Another long day for the parents, another good day for the children.
Willow and Stanley are really turning into proper little babies now; full of wind and screams. It's dawning on us what a handful these two are going to be when we all get home. I can now appreciate what an amazing job mothers do with just one baby, let alone two of them.
The midnight phonecall to NICU was yet another positive one. These calls are getting very short lately; no longer do I need to ask what their ventilation settings are, what extreme amount of oxygen they're on, when's their next blood transfusion, how many times did they need resuscitating tonight. It's quite amazing how quickly you almost forget just how bad it was just a few weeks ago. But it does make any step back at this stage seem even worse.
Anyway, we did have a step back today - but not in that sense. Since we left the building this evening, the babies have finally moved from their original spot to the back row. This means we're officially no longer in the 'intensive care' section; now merely 'high dependency'. It may even turn out that we bypass the nursery and go home from this position, as they are at capacity at the moment. We'll see what happens.
Willow and Stanley are really turning into proper little babies now; full of wind and screams. It's dawning on us what a handful these two are going to be when we all get home. I can now appreciate what an amazing job mothers do with just one baby, let alone two of them.
The midnight phonecall to NICU was yet another positive one. These calls are getting very short lately; no longer do I need to ask what their ventilation settings are, what extreme amount of oxygen they're on, when's their next blood transfusion, how many times did they need resuscitating tonight. It's quite amazing how quickly you almost forget just how bad it was just a few weeks ago. But it does make any step back at this stage seem even worse.
Anyway, we did have a step back today - but not in that sense. Since we left the building this evening, the babies have finally moved from their original spot to the back row. This means we're officially no longer in the 'intensive care' section; now merely 'high dependency'. It may even turn out that we bypass the nursery and go home from this position, as they are at capacity at the moment. We'll see what happens.
Monday, 3 January 2011
Sunday 2nd January and Monday 3rd January
Willow and Stanley were 100 days old on Sunday; to celebrate which they received a cake, cards and photos, all specially made by one of the nurses. Although we were hoping to not reach this milestone in NICU, at least we are nearing the end of our stay here.
Apart from the cake, these last two days have been largely uneventful. But this is a good thing, because most potential events would generally be of the negative variety. The babies did get weighed again - Willow 6lbs 7oz, and Stanley 7lbs 10oz. This means Stanley has put on 7oz in 2 days, which was deemed far too much. Just like his parents, he's now on a diet - his daily milk intake has been cut from 180ml per kilo to 160ml per kilo.
Both babies have been very good so far this year - they've had bottles for most of their feeds, which they tolerate nicely most of the time. Stanley still needs to calm down a bit - he likes to down half the bottle before even considering the fact that he might need to breathe at some point. Willow has not had a bagging epsiode for four days now; and every day she is getting stronger. Maybe the New Year was the turning point for her.
So, we're slowly edging towards those doors to the outside world, where it's going to be a whole new experience - we'll have two new-borns to look after...
Apart from the cake, these last two days have been largely uneventful. But this is a good thing, because most potential events would generally be of the negative variety. The babies did get weighed again - Willow 6lbs 7oz, and Stanley 7lbs 10oz. This means Stanley has put on 7oz in 2 days, which was deemed far too much. Just like his parents, he's now on a diet - his daily milk intake has been cut from 180ml per kilo to 160ml per kilo.
Both babies have been very good so far this year - they've had bottles for most of their feeds, which they tolerate nicely most of the time. Stanley still needs to calm down a bit - he likes to down half the bottle before even considering the fact that he might need to breathe at some point. Willow has not had a bagging epsiode for four days now; and every day she is getting stronger. Maybe the New Year was the turning point for her.
So, we're slowly edging towards those doors to the outside world, where it's going to be a whole new experience - we'll have two new-borns to look after...
Saturday, 1 January 2011
Saturday 1st January 2011
Well, that was a positive start to the year, if ever there was one. After coming back home from NICU late last night, we sunk a well deserved bottle of champagne and had a bit of a lie-in for a change. In the morning, I called NICU for the first time in 2011 and received a very pleasing overnight report. They'd both been good again, and Willow had still not had any further episodes. We could definitely get used to this type of phonecall for the remainder of their sentence.
While we were with them today, Willow and Stanley continued to be very stable and were very impressive with their bottle-feeding skills. They can both now suck, swallow and breathe like little experts; but Willow is still more accomplished at it than Stanley.
They were weighed again yesterday; Stanley is 7lbs 3oz, and Willow is 6lbs 3oz. They're both looking like proper babies now, and appear to be interacting with each other in their cot. It's an amazing sight to see; we could just sit there and watch them for hours. Willow is definitely going to have the upper hand when they get back home; she is not going to take any nonsense from her brother. He's too busy guzzling, whinging and sleeping. I really don't know where either of them get these characteristics from.
There are only two more days off work until it's back to business as usual and the traditional New Year diet starting on Tuesday; so until then, I think what's in order is a good deal of guzzling, whinging and sleeping.
While we were with them today, Willow and Stanley continued to be very stable and were very impressive with their bottle-feeding skills. They can both now suck, swallow and breathe like little experts; but Willow is still more accomplished at it than Stanley.
They were weighed again yesterday; Stanley is 7lbs 3oz, and Willow is 6lbs 3oz. They're both looking like proper babies now, and appear to be interacting with each other in their cot. It's an amazing sight to see; we could just sit there and watch them for hours. Willow is definitely going to have the upper hand when they get back home; she is not going to take any nonsense from her brother. He's too busy guzzling, whinging and sleeping. I really don't know where either of them get these characteristics from.
There are only two more days off work until it's back to business as usual and the traditional New Year diet starting on Tuesday; so until then, I think what's in order is a good deal of guzzling, whinging and sleeping.
Friday 31st December
The end of 2010 has finally arrived. We'd never wanted to wish away time before all this happened, and hopefully as this new year begins we won't want to do it anymore. This year has been the best and worst of our lives. It was agonising getting to the point where we discovered we were pregnant back in April; and utter joy at that moment when it all fell into place. The horrific day in September where it all went so wrong; but two beautiful babies as a result of that, who we wouldn't want to change for anything. I'd had a very easy 32 years of life up until this started, but always tried to appreciate what I had. Now I do even more so. Going through something like this uncovers extreme emotions you never knew you had; even making you feel more alive, despite it being like absolute torture while you're going through it.
We should be thankful for a lot more things than we are bitter about. Our babies are alive, for a start. They're growing really well, they've had no stomach issues (the leading cause of death in premature babies), no retinopathy, no obvious damage to their brains, they're both breathing on their own, they're picking up bottle-feeding, Stanley's hernias have disappeared, Willow survived her PDA operation, they've both endured living in Poole for three months. If they can get through this, they can withstand anything life throws at them.
I didn't sleep much last night, waiting for my daily morning call to NICU. But I could tell by the sprightly 'Good morning!' on the other end of the phone that the babies had been well behaved. Willow had no further special moments overnight. That was a relief. It meant I could concentrate at work and hopefully finish at a decent hour to enjoy what was left of the year with the family.
After a brief visit to the Senior New Year's Eve party for some over-indulgence in Mum's chicken and biscuits, we made our way to NICU to see in the new year with our children.
They'd both been good today; no episodes to speak of, and both of them tolerating their feeds really well. Perhaps this was finally the day when they 'turned the corner' for good; but as usual, we are not going to get complacent.
One thing's for certain, we're so grateful for all the love and support everyone has shown us for the last few months. It's made things easier being able to share Willow and Stanley's story so far, and knowing that so many people are rooting for us. So here's to 2011; it's going to be the best year ever.
We should be thankful for a lot more things than we are bitter about. Our babies are alive, for a start. They're growing really well, they've had no stomach issues (the leading cause of death in premature babies), no retinopathy, no obvious damage to their brains, they're both breathing on their own, they're picking up bottle-feeding, Stanley's hernias have disappeared, Willow survived her PDA operation, they've both endured living in Poole for three months. If they can get through this, they can withstand anything life throws at them.
I didn't sleep much last night, waiting for my daily morning call to NICU. But I could tell by the sprightly 'Good morning!' on the other end of the phone that the babies had been well behaved. Willow had no further special moments overnight. That was a relief. It meant I could concentrate at work and hopefully finish at a decent hour to enjoy what was left of the year with the family.
After a brief visit to the Senior New Year's Eve party for some over-indulgence in Mum's chicken and biscuits, we made our way to NICU to see in the new year with our children.
They'd both been good today; no episodes to speak of, and both of them tolerating their feeds really well. Perhaps this was finally the day when they 'turned the corner' for good; but as usual, we are not going to get complacent.
One thing's for certain, we're so grateful for all the love and support everyone has shown us for the last few months. It's made things easier being able to share Willow and Stanley's story so far, and knowing that so many people are rooting for us. So here's to 2011; it's going to be the best year ever.
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