Life really sucks sometimes.
The four of us went to the hospital on Tuesday for another appointment at the Child Development Centre. This time, the focus was only really on Stanley. Willow had already proved herself last time; showing the doctors that she had no adverse tendencies. We were back this week to check how Stanley had developed since a month ago, when it was established that he was likely to have a mild case of cerebral palsy.
This time, a neonatologist, a physiotherapist and an occupational therapist examined our son closely to see what they thought about his predicament. He was being his usual self .... very happy and interacting with them, but with stiff muscles, coordination issues and occasionally unusual postures. After half an hour or so, the medical professionals left the room to discuss Stanley, and took slightly too long for it to be an uplifting diagnosis.
So, they think he's definitely got CP. To what extent, they don't know yet. The term 'cerebral palsy' covers a huge range of conditions, from the very mild to the very severe. We asked where they expected Stanley to be on that scale, and they think it will be 'moderate'. What that means, we have no idea. The doc said he 'should' be able to walk.... so that's a start I suppose.
Although we were expecting this, it feels a hell of a lot worse when you actually hear it. All we want is for Stanley to be happy in life, and be able to do what he wants to do. It may now be the case that he won't be able to do everything he wants to do, but we'll make damn sure that he's given every possible chance to deal with whatever problems he has, and is given the opportunity to do anything he wants to. One thing the docs did point out, was that he's definitely motivated. You can see it in his eyes and face that he really wants to move in ways that he just cannot physically manage at the moment. Also, there are no concerns at this point about him intellectually - the fact that he's 'talking', interacting with people, and obviously so alert and happy, are really positive things.
It could be that the CP turns out to be mild, and no-one other than Stanley and his family notice anything. But we need to be prepared for the worst case - that way, it can only turn out better.
So Leela and I have had a few breakdowns each this week. We haven't had any of those for a good few months, the last time probably being after both Willow and Stanley caught that nasty infection which kept them in NICU for an extra two weeks.
It's times like this, when life throws this kind of shit at you, that you realise it could be a lot worse. Back in NICU, we were expecting all kinds of stuff, and if we could've fast-forwarded to this point, knowing what we know now, we would have snapped it up right there and then. So again, we just need to take a step back and appreciate everything that we do have - which is two amazing, happy, adorable babies.
